第二章 入 道(1 / 2)

    老话说,装昏当不了死,我昏也昏了,死也死了,醒了之后,我很快就接受了现实,开始踏踏实实地跟着黎叔这个龌蹉老男孩拜师学艺。

    按说就我这“跳过墙、上过房、抢过小孩棒棒糖”的小暴脾气,肯定不会这么逆来顺受的,因为别看田启功话说得狠,但我又不是三好学生,  哪儿会被几句类似“找你家长”之类外强中干的话就吓唬住了,真正使我动心留下来的,是我醒来之后黎叔说得几句话:“小子,别他妈不知好歹,阴年阴月出生的人多了,你以为谁都有机会来17组呢,操。”这老家伙言谈举止整个一社会人,哪儿tm象个警察,“实话告诉你,老田之所以选你,一是看你命相七伤,属天生就横跨阴阳两界的主儿,再一个,也是想救你一命。”看老家伙白活(东北方言:吹牛、侃大山)得口沫横飞,当时把我真有一种抄起桌上那足有5公分厚的烟灰缸,把他那满嘴抠副军旗毁副麻将还能刻俩色子(色发shai音,三声)的四环素牙一个一个的敲下来的澎湃冲动。不过,这老灯泡子(东北俚语:对老头的戏称)接下来得一句话,彻底把我整没脾气了:“小子,这18年活得是不是挺坎坷啊?而且最近是不是感觉身体越来越差啊?”见我有些心虚地看着他,黎叔更得瑟了,“嘿嘿嘿,明跟你说吧,咱们玩的是啥,咱们天天都玩鬼,虽然我不能改变你的定数,但是,起码能让你活得消停点,不再被鬼啊妖啊的搓摸(东北方言:折磨、骚扰)。”说实话,黎叔这句话当时真打动我了,想想也是,谁愿意身边整天跟着一群鬼魂,时不时的还被祸害一下啊,所以,我特傻特天真的问了一句:“真的,你真的能让我不再招鬼?”“嗤,”黎叔一脸的得道高僧的拽样,“这点小事儿都摆不平,我还有脸给你当师傅,笑话。”发自肺腑的说一句,在那个时间段,我确实被这老丫唬住了,可如果要是能预知后来发生的那些事儿,日你个仙人板板的,我当时铁定会拿哑铃削(东北方言:打)他个生活不能自理,然后拍拍屁股直接去人才市场卖身。可惜,人生没有撤销键,青春没有后悔药,回首往事,一切只能是一声叹息、徒呼奈何。

    接茬说回来,黎叔一番巧舌如簧的蛊惑,再加上他那炉火纯青的装逼犯的演技,我真蒙了,只能向田启功投去求助的眼神,结果那天杀的依旧是一副“我拎着酱油做俯卧撑”的鸟样,这把我恨的呀,心说老子将来要是学有所成,见天的拘了女鬼去诱惑你,让你夜夜梦到仓老师,梦遗死你!

    见我已就范,田启功冷冰冰的丢下一句“黎组长,希望你们团结协作,尽快开展工作”后,就走了。于是,在距离地面不知几百米的偌大的地下空间里,就剩下黎叔和我,还有那些一想起来就浑身起麦丽素的鬼肉球。奶奶个熊,这都哪儿跟哪儿啊,不挨着啊,这究竟是什么个情况啊!

    既然已经没有退路,我也就只能是随遇而安了。于是,我正式在17组落草了。

    既然打算留在这里,我自然想要了解一下17组的情况。好在黎叔人糙嘴碎,挺好嘞嘞的(东北方言:说话啰嗦),据他讲,我们17组属于垂直管理,归内蒙古公安厅直管,与当地的党委、政府和公安机关并不发生横向联系。平时我们主要是根据田启功的指令开展工作,比如哪里发生疑似灵异案件,我们就会前去处理。听到这儿,我还是挺疑惑,就问道:“不对呀,就算有案件,人家警察也不知道咱们是自己人,如果咱们直呵呵的冲进去,告诉人家我们会抓鬼,还不让人家直接送精神病院去呀?”

    “你看你看,上学上傻了不是?咋地,你还以为咱爷们办案跟美国fbi似的,穿一黑风衣,到现场冲警察一亮证件,你们都他妈滚球子,这案子我们接手了。”黎叔一脸的不以为然,“咱们爷们办案子,主要是等案上门,知道不?”

    “啥意思?等案上门,我嘞个去,这地方门口连个牌子都没有,里面还有俩站岗的大兵,谁知道你这是干啥的地方,还报案,扯吧你就。”

    “着啊,小子,脑瓜子反应挺快啊,不错,这里当然不是受理案件的地方,咱爷们还有一处办公场所呢。”

    呀哈,看不出,这老灯泡子还挺有道行,居然还有办公的地儿,我不禁对他肃然起敬。

    “啊,到点了,咱俩真该回所里去了。”黎叔打个哈欠,好像很疲惫的样子。

    离开房间时,我有些心悸的看看装着那些鬼肉球的房间,捅捅黎叔:“那些撒尿肉丸咋办?”

    “没事,它们不会跑的。”黎叔大喇喇的说道,“它们熬到这份上不容易,都急着转世投胎呢。”

    我虽然没听懂黎叔的意思,但看他那成竹在胸的模样,也没再追问。倒是路过那些红门时,我明显感到了一股股令人心惊肉跳的怨气,连精神都有些恍惚,就问黎叔这红门里面是干啥的。

    黎叔盯着我,猛然压低了声音一字一顿:“鬼——门——关,知道这些红门打开的后果吗?”

    突见这老孙子装神弄鬼、好似看见了自己老婆躺在别的男人床上的表情,真就骇了我一跳:“你别吓唬我啊,啥、啥后果。”

    “出生入死,凡走进红门的,都得下地狱。”老家伙大眼皮一翻,白眼仁多黑眼仁少的乜斜着我,那尊容跟他妈加勒比海盗里面的鬼船长一德性。

    见老家伙又唠鬼嗑,我拔腿就跑,但我真的感到了红门里那股摄人心魄的深深寒意。

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