第一千零一十三章 怨恨自己(1 / 1)

奸臣之妻 安年 838 字 2023-09-16

“我想娶的人是谁,你心里难道还不够清楚吗?”余启蛰语气中带了质问,眸光深深的看着余娇,有些咄咄逼人的道:“还是说我们之间的种种你从来都不当真?”余娇本能的想要逃避,她无措的捏了捏手指,回过神来也有些气闷,当初若非是余启蛰突然扯什么兄妹之情,两人又何至于走到如今既陌生又熟悉的地步。余娇不想翻旧账,寻根究底又要扯到大哥身上。她只是还没做好准备,当初穿过来时原身就已经是余家买去的冲喜媳妇,由不得她选择,可现在要成亲的人是她。而她和余启蛰之间还存在很多问题。“我是不够清楚。”余娇直视着他,杏眸亮的逼人,“你总是什么都不愿跟我说,当初是,现在也是!你是不是觉得凡事你想好了就可以,我只需在你做出决定的时候,当一个听话的傀儡?”余启蛰深吸了一口气,控制住方才心底莫名的怒意,缓声道:“我从来没这般想过……”他不过是不想让余娇面对这些,想尽可能的将风雨都遮挡下,让她不必为难,不必面对这些麻烦事,将所有事都安排好,只需她点头愿意嫁给他就好。“你可能没这么想过,但是你做了。”余娇不想跟余启蛰吵架的,她觉得争吵从来因都不能解决问题,但有时候人的情绪根本不由自己控制,尤其是在自己在乎的人面前。“你让皇上赐婚根本就没给我选择的权利,事先既没告知我,也没有与我商量过。”余娇语气淡了下来,自嘲一般,“我不是神明,你总是不说,我怎么知道你是怎么想的,当初你说与我只有兄妹之情我哭过闹过,你也不曾跟我透露丝毫,我信了。”余娇鼻腔里有酸意弥漫,她本不想再提之前的事的,可还是说了,这样的自己真令人讨厌。可能因为始终都在意吧,有些疙瘩只是心照不明的放下,但它依旧存在。“后来你又说你仍喜欢我,余启蛰我该信还是不信?若是以后再有什么变故,你又突然要休妻,我是不是也只能像大姐姐一样连被休弃也是最后一个知道的?”余娇别开眼,倔强的不肯露出一丝脆弱,看着假山旁的草木,她轻声道:“我知道你做了许多事,杨旭父子入狱问斩和朱悱被废,都是为了我是吗?”这话余娇问的很轻,因为她怕自己是在自以为是。猝不及防,余启蛰握住了余娇的手,力道很重,他掌心炙热,手掌已经是将余娇的手包裹住,望向余娇的眸光是灼人深沉,他克制的承认道:“是,他们算计你伤害你,都该死!”余娇被他话语里的狠戾惊到,也因他直白的承认有些慌乱,她承受不起别人这样的付出。他一个刚刚在官场崭露头角的官员,怎么就敢对太子下手?“你不必如此的,他们根基甚深,你这般得罪他们,可想过日后他们会如何反扑报复?你会毁了自己的仕途的,他们没能害到我,也吃了教训,你不必为我如此……”“余娇。”余启蛰打断她的话,他俊朗至极的脸上突然就带了笑,只是那笑容有些说不出的疯狂,他声音低沉,“你是不是从来不觉得自己有多重要?也不觉得别人会如何爱你?你究竟是不信我喜欢你,还是害怕被人轻而易举的抛弃丢下?”余启蛰犀利的话语像是掀开了一层遮羞布,余娇讨厌被人看透,揪扯下身上的保护罩,赤裸裸的被戳中明明被她藏得很深很深的心思,就好像被逼迫着承认自己并没有自以为的那么好。她眼睛里被逼出了湿意,有些狼狈的想要抽手离去,慌乱的扯了扯手,余启蛰却不肯放开她,握着她手的力道像一道桎梏。“余启蛰……你不要这么揣摩我,我怎么可能害怕被人抛弃,我来到这个世界的时候本就是孑然一身。”余娇甚至都不知道自己在说什么,只是下意识的去否定余启蛰的话。只有她知道,她的强大从容,什么镇定老成,其实都是装出来的。她原也不过是个有爷爷和师哥娇惯疼宠的臭丫头,她也爱撒娇,可那是因为她知道这世上有人可以无底线的疼着她,宠着她。爷爷去世后,这世上唯二疼宠她的人少了一个,但那时她还有师哥。可后来师哥也走了,还是因为她。从那时候起,余娇也不知怎么慢慢就变得很害怕别人对她好,她承受不起。尤其是这样掏心掏肺的对她好,对她而言是负担。师哥若不是掏心掏肺的对她好,就不会是那个下场,就不会抛下她一个人!她怎么配得上觉得自己重要?再去害死一个师哥吗?这是余娇的心结,她以为自己藏得很好,没想到竟会被人看穿。余启蛰没想到会将她逼哭,看着她瓷白脸颊上的泪珠,眸中的疯意消减,心疼弥漫。

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