第18章(2 / 2)

“她的父母说过什么?”

“两位老人家,噢!”怀冰又哭了。“他们不会说话了,他们呆了,傻了,何飞飞是他们的独生女儿,好不容易巴望着读大学毕业……噢!蓝采!”

我们又痛哭不止,手握着手,我们哭得肝肠寸断。啊,何飞飞!何飞飞!何飞飞!我们的何飞飞!

人怎么会死呢?我一直想不明白。一个活生生的、能哭、能笑、能说、能闹的人,怎么会在一刹那间就从世间消失?怎么会呢?怎么可能呢?当我站在何飞飞的灵前,注视着她那巨幅的遗容,我这种感觉就更重了。她那张照片还是那么“骨稽”,笑得好美好美,露着一口整齐的白牙齿,眉飞色舞的。她是那样富有活力,是那样一个生命力强而旺的人,她怎会死去?她怎能死去?

我们整个圈圈里的人都到了,默默地站在何飞飞的灵柩之前,这是我们最凄惨的一次聚会,没有一点笑声,没有一点喧闹,大家都哭得眼睛红红的,而仍然抑制不住唏嘘和呜咽。柯梦南呆呆地站在那儿,像一座塑像,他苍白憔悴得找不出丝毫往日的风采。我和他几乎没有交谈,除了当我刚走进灵房,他曾迎过来,低低地喊了一声:

“蓝采!”

我望着他,徒劳地嚅动着嘴唇,却说不出一句话来,他也立即转开了头,因为眼泪已经充塞在他的眼眶里了。我们没有再说什么,就一直走到何飞飞的遗容前面,我行不完礼,已经泣不成声。怀冰走上来,把我扶了下去,我嘴里还喃喃地、不停地自语着说:

“这是假的,这是梦,我马上会醒过来的!”

但是我没醒过来,我一直在梦中,在这个醒不了的噩梦之中!

何飞飞的父母亲都没有在灵前答礼,想必他们都已经太哀痛了,哀痛得无法出来面对我们了。在灵前答礼的是他们的亲属。直到吊祭将完毕的时候,何飞飞的母亲才走出来。她没有泪,没有表情,像个丧失了思想能力和一切意志的人,苍老、疲倦,而麻木。她手里捧着一沓厚厚的本子,一直走向我们,用平平板板的声音说:

“你们之中,谁是柯梦南?”

柯梦南一惊,本能地迎了上去,说:

“是我,伯母。”

何老太太抬起干枯而无神的眼睛来,打量着柯梦南,然后,她安安静静地说:

“你杀了我的女儿了!柯梦南。”她把怀里的本子递到柯梦南手里,再说:“这是她生前的日记,我留着它也没有用了,几年来,这些本子里都几乎只有你一个人的名字,我把它送给你,拿去吧!”她摇摇头,深深地望着柯梦南,重复地说:“你杀了她了,我知道她是怎么死的,你杀了她了!”

柯梦南捧着那些本子,定定地站在那儿,没有一个字可以形容他那时脸上的表情,他的面色死灰,嘴唇苍白,眼光惊痛而绝望。那位哀伤过度的老太太不再说话,也不再看我们,就掉转头走到后面去了。柯梦南仍然站在那儿,头上冒着汗珠,嘴唇颤抖,面色如死。

谷风走上前去,轻轻地拍抚着他的背脊,安慰地说:

“别在意,柯梦南,老太太是太伤心了!”

柯梦南一语不发地掉过头来,捧着那些日记本向门口走去,他经过我的身边,站住了,他用哀痛欲绝的眼光望着我,低低地说:

“我们做了些什么?蓝采?”

我咬住了嘴唇,不由自主地闭上眼睛,等我再睁开眼睛的时候,柯梦南已经走到门口了,我下意识地追到了门口,抓住门框,我惶然无主地问:

“你——要到哪里去?”

他回过头来看着我,他的眼光突然变得那么陌生了。

“我——要去看一个人。”

“谁?”

“我父亲。”他唇角牵动着,忽然凄苦地微笑了起来,“我该去看看他了。”

他转身要走,我忍不住地喊:

“柯梦南!”

他再度站住,我们相对注视,好半天,他才轻轻地说:

“蓝采,你知道,从今之后,对于我——”他停顿了一下,眼光茫然凄恻,“——生活里是无梦也无歌了,你懂吗?蓝采?”

我凝视着他,感到五脏六腑都被捣碎了。我懂吗?我当然懂。从今后,生活里是无梦也无歌了,岂止是他?我更是无梦也无歌了。

我没有再说话,只对他点了点头。

他走了,捧着那沓日记本,捧着一颗少女的心。

他走了。

何飞飞在当天下午,被葬在碧潭之侧。

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